Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Top 10 Tuesday!

Is it Tuesday already? How time does fly when you're having too much fun. Well, its the first installment of Top 10 Tuesdays, so let's get started!

So, the 10 things I love this week are:

10. Dreaming/Dreamers.

09. Leaping into the rabbit hole.

08. Best Coast. (Band)

07. Cupcakes.

06. The Like. (Band)

05. Death Note. (Anime)

04. Philosophizing.

03. Photographic evidence.

02. Making costumes.

01. Inception! (!!!)

It's in no particular order except for #1. I mean, have you seen it?! Inception just blew my mind wide open to the point where I spent the entire next day thinking about life. I actually sought out philosophical conversations to help ease the noise in my mind. It just gave me so much to think about that I was reeling with ideas and general craziness. Luckily, I know enough people with sanity issues that I found someone to get the thoughts flowing and ease my poor over worked brain.

Who hasn't seen it? Go now.

Anyway, I need a nap.

Au revoir,
Laughing Boy :]

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Thankful Thursday!

Today is the first Thankful Thursday and I'm excited to get started :D
I do have a recap of the past couple of weeks to give to you as well, but I'll save that for another day.

So, why am I starting TT? Well...there are many reasons, but I suppose it all begins with the movie UP. I'm sure everyone has seen the movie by now, but can you believe that I just finished watching it, not thirty minutes ago? Really, I just watched it.

All I can say is that, I wish it hadn't taken me so long and that it was, to put it in few words, beautiful. It was the kind of movie that makes you stop and remember how special and wonderful a day with someone you love can be, no matter what you're doing. I think Russell put it best, "I know it sounds boring, but it's the boring things I remember most."

That one statement alone, made me want to start TT, because we often forget to appreciate the boring stuff that makes life worth living. I'm especially guilty of this given my flair for the dramatic and tendency to get myself into the craziest situations. So, although I have many misadventures to document, I also have little moments to capture before they slip away.

I am so thankful. I am so thankful. I am so thankful.

Thank you life for bringing me here where I have a huge dysfunctional, one-of-a-kind family to love and friends who are there for me no matter what shenanigans I get into and a cat who is so like my child that I could never question her love.

Thank you for everything, even this mess of summer that has helped me learn about myself and is slowly helping me grow up a bit. And thank goodness that I still have time to grow up because I know I'm taking my time about it.

I'm so filled with love and gratitude right now that I could make kittens and ponies stop to say how cute I am. Yep.

I love you ever so much!

<3 Laughing Boy

Thursday, July 15, 2010


I want to feel you,
But I'm afraid to.
You're all I want
And all I can't have

When did I wake,
And when did I fall asleep?
Am I still dreaming,
Will you tell me when it's over?

The moon is here
The sun is out
You were standing on a hill
So I ran up

But everytime I get there you disappear
Everytime I get there you disappear
You disappear
And I never seem to get there

When did I wake,
And when did I fall asleep?
Am I still dreaming,
Will you tell me when it's over?

I'm barely posting this on the 22nd, despite writing it on the 15th. It didn't seem complete and now I can't bear to change it. Hopefully it makes sense as is and I'm also hoping I'll be able to start writing again soon. I feel like that's been missing from my life for quite a while now. Anyway, this is also very true of how I've been feeling lately and it's not about any particular person. Luckily, things are looking a little better.

Tons of love to you,
<3 Laughing Boy

Saturday, July 10, 2010

It sucks to be under 21

That's what the song says, but I don't agree. I have been 21 for about 52 minutes and I'm over it. I've already started drinking, so turning 21 makes no difference. Basically I'm another year older and that much more jaded.

I try to not let life get me down, but there is only so much you can take. It doesn't help that this has been one of the most bizarre summers of life, that has included many discoveries, mistakes, and changes. I guess I'm complaining about growing up, and I just plain don't wanna.

Ok, I'm putting on the big girl panties now, hopefully my birthday will be fun enough to distract me from the misery that is my existence (I'm kidding of course, nothing can distract from my misery!):D

Happy Birthday to me!


Laughing Boy

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Hello sir,

It's funny...funny how emotions change and what we thought we wanted becomes irrelevant. For the longest time, I thought I wanted a relationship and I thought you were who I wanted to be with. It seemed so easy and it made sense at the time. You were never jealous or overbearing and you let me have my own life while still being there for me. These are all the things I always imagined I needed in a boyfriend because I tend to run when I get too comfortable with someone. I don't like to be vulnerable, and I didn't have to give that up.

It's so hard to get all these thoughts organized, I have so much to say and I never seem to know how to say it. I'm terrible with words. I suppose, I could just let myself cry and have everything pour out of me raw and unedited, but then I would have to cry in front of you. I can't seem to do that either.

I liked you once. I really cared about you and wanted you to be mine. The problem is I didn't know how to express this without feeling like I would ruin what we had. I liked things simple and uncomplicated by discussions about emotion. Plus, I didn't want to be the girl who falls for you, when I knew I shouldn't, when you warned me not to. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop it forever and when I realized what happened I had to stuff those feelings away.

I didn't want to feel anything for you. It was supposed to be fun and simple, no entanglement and no regret. So, I told myself to stop liking you and get over it. The problem with that is that now I feel nothing for you. Well, not completely nothing, I guess you sort of irritate me now. Your input in my conversations feels like intrusion and I wish you would go away. I'm hoping it's just a phase, because although I want to scratch you out of my life, you're still an important part of it. I will always remember you and I don't want my memories tainted because of my own issues.

It's sort of like I'm breaking up with you. We never exactly were a couple, but we did blur those lines and now it's time to set those lines in stone. I'm sorry if this is confusing for you, because I would really like to remain friends. I think you're a really great person, but I know now that you're not the person for me.

Oh, and I met someone who actually gives a flying fuck about me.

Your friend,

Laughing Boy

PS. Fuck you asshole, and thanks for wasting 9 months of my life.

PPS. We're still cool right? I know, I know...I hate me too.

PPPS. Lyrics from I Know It's Over by The Smiths

I know it's over
and it never really began
but in my heart it was so real

They fit so perfectly for me right now.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Lack of communication

I want to write everything out. I want to describe all the terrible things I've done and the wonderful things I was able to feel and let you know exactly what is going on in my head. I just don't know how. I don't know how to face the truth and putting it in words seems to painful. Committing it to "paper" would make it more tangible and real, and that much more terrible. It's like when you have a bad dream and you try not to think about it so it'll go away. I want a lot of things to go away right now, but I suppose that isn't going to happen.

These should explain a few things and help me remember:

That covers a lot of it. It's confusing and a mess and there is a lot I don't quite understand myself. I wish I had control of me, I think it would make things a lot easier. Also, I like a new boy and I'm getting rid of one. That part confuses me just as much as any of the other stuff.

That stupid guy I've been so into for month and months has finally used up all my patience. I'm over it. I won't wait around for him to give a shit and I won't put up with it just because it's nice to have a guy around. DONE.

I've quickly found someone who is so different and I like it. He holds be around the waist while I wash the dishes from the dinner he just cooked. And he sways to oldies while hugging me. And he thinks I'm beautiful....I could go on, but I might over gush and make myself sick. I like someone and I think I actually like this feeling this time, because it doesn't feel like every other stupid crush. I probably always make this claim, who knows. But right now, it feels true.

I just have to hold on to that feeling. I can't run away from happy all the time, because I know I'll try. I just have to try something that's slightly against my nature.

I love you more than I love me right now, and I mean it.

Laughing Boy