Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I've made a decision today, a decision that has made me profoundly happier and seems to be the change that I felt coming. I have decided to be celibate.
I mean I have been for a while now anyhow, but without making the conscious decision to remain so. I always figured that I may give in if the occasion called for it, but in the meantime I didn't care if I didn't have sex. However, it was all an excuse, an excuse to avoid making a decision and taking charge of my own life. I always do this, I go with the flow which can be quite rewarding and exciting, but it also takes away some of your power. I'm taking my power back and this is the first step.
I am not going to engage in physical activities for a while. I haven't decided on a period of time or anything, I think I'll know when I'm ready. I was letting the flow take me and prevent me from moving forward. I was complacent to remain in my pseudo-relationship and allow that to keep me from experiencing other things. I won't do that anymore and I won't just jump into the same situation, because it just won't be an option. If people don't want to be my friend and leave the bullshit behind, well then that's too bad for them.
I need to focus on moving forward and doing something productive with myself. If I don't have the distraction of sex and guys, well I'll focus that much more. I know this won't be easy, but anything worth fighting for is never easy. So, I'm prepared to hear how much of a "tease" I am from now on, because I'm not changing anything else. I will still dress how I damn well please and flirt if I want to; I plan on being the same insane person, who finds sexual innuendo in every sentence, I have always been, so I'm sure some people will have a problem with it. Oh well, life isn't fair, suck it!
On a related note, that stupid guy doesn't understand that I don't like him anymore. I guess I'll just have to tell him I'm celibate now and hope that keeps him away. He inspires me to keep this song on repeat:
PS. I totally forgot to do Thankful Thursday and Top 10 Tuesday. Shit, well the first week of October, I'll pick it back up since it's too late.