Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Fighting a Losing Battle

I'm pretty sure I mentioned a challenge I would be facing. The whole, I-have-to-not-fall-in-love-with-my-friend-thing yea, well...

I'm not falling in love or anything, but I can't believe I'm letting myself like him so much. The dream from my last post really said a lot that seems to be ringing true. I haven't been close to anyone like this since my very first boyfriend who really messed me up relationship wise. I let him do a number on me when I was 16 and I am now just getting involved with this new guy.

I've dated of course in the past four years, but I have never once considered anyone worth a repeat visit until now. I just couldn't imagine going through bonding with someone so intimately if they might just go an rip my heart up when they were done with me. I know, it's ridiculously dramatic, but when your first love (whom you've known since you were six and is your closest friend in the world) ends up with your best friend and then impregnates her and you're only 16 and can barely cope with your already screwed up head, it tends to skew your views a bit.

This guy has gone and changed the rules on me. It's just not right. I've gone and started liking him and we get closer every time I see him. It doesn't help that I felt instantly comfortable with him since the first time I met him and have some weird trust in him that I cannot for the life of me explain. I don't trust guys too easily, but I just have this feeling that he would never do anything to hurt me intentionally. Anyway, we also have amazing chemistry and I can't keep my hands off him.

Everything fits and he's a great catch. I'm doomed to like this guy A LOT and I'm just going with the flow to see where this ends up. I might -gulp- end up with a boyfriend; which if you hadn't guessed by now, would be waaaay out of character for me.

That is all for now...I'll come back soon and hopefully I'll finally have some new poetry or something. My creativity burnt out on me and I haven't pushed it to start up again yet.

"I love you with sparks and shining dragons, I do"