Thursday, December 10, 2009

Out of my rut!

Did I say I was depressed? Oh yea...I'm over it. I have amazing friends to thank for it.

It's time for change. That's the only way to get out of my funk and to make myself a better person. It's time and I'm doing it and I've already made some big changes.

I decided to face my fear of intimacy. Check! I have a wonderful friend who has given me the strength to not be such a chicken and let myself feel something for once. It's ab-so-fucking-lutely amazing! And I owe my eternal friendship for this. My mission now on this front is to not fall in love, I'm so not ready.

I have decided to stop bottling things up, that's what leads to anxiety and panic attacks. Check! As you would tell a child having a tantrum, "learn to use your words," well, I have. I've been talking to my friends and actually volunteering information rather than always listening. I love to listen and I'm great at it, but I need to learn how to communicate as well. If it's too tough to talk about, I usually don't, so I'm making myself talk about the tough stuff.

Oh and of course, I had to do something symbolic as well. So, I dyed my hair red and I love it. It's a nice change from being blonde-ish and I don't want to go back to my natural color. For now, I'm a redhead and it's awesome.

I guess I always knew an awakening would come and that's why I don't give up on myself. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I can do this. You can do this. We are beautiful, amazing creatures and don't you ever forget it!

I sound gross and peppy, I apologize. It'll wear off in a week or so, and then I'll be normal. I'm just so happy to be alive and that I have all my parts...and they function! Not to mention, I have wonderful friends who won't let me fall prey to my own pessimistic mind.

Things are looking up and it couldn't have come at a better time. I mean, it's fucking Christmas time!! It's the best time to come out of a depression to see the twinkling lights and feel that Christmas spirit.

I hope my joy is infectious and that you're feeling great as well.

I love you all more than you will ever know<3


  1. It's great that you're out of depression. I feel like I'm stuck somewhere inbetween depression and friendship problems.

    Hopefully I can get out soon.

    Also, it's amazing how dying hair can change your own outlook. Everytime I dye my hair I feel....amazing. There isn't any other word to really describe it.

  2. Rae: I hope you get out soon too! I know how terrible it feels inbetween, on the edge of nothingness. There's usually someone there to help, we're just too wrapped up in ourselves to see them. If nothing else, I'm here and I'm a good listener! I mean it too :]

    Mademoiselle: I guess that's what I have to figure out. Wouldn't it be great if there were an instructional booklet of some sort? It would be even better if it had some groovy illustrations. I think I just found my new project :D

    Thanks for reading guys!

  3. Ciao. I wish you all the best for the present and for the future. A sweet funny merry christmas and nice holidays.To you, to your readers, you friends, your family.